Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
