Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
