He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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