I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
