Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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