So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
