Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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