She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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