whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
