She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
