It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
