how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
