I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
