This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
