I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
