I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
