Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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