can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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