He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
