you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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