god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
