And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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