It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
