Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
