I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
