I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
