Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
