I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
