K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
