home. puking in laundry basket.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
