i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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