My pussy is not your playground.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
