I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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