Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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