I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize