Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
