Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
