trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
