I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm like, not good at living.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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