I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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