put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
