i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
