Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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