I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
