I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
