I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
