Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
