Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
