how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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