question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
