It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize