So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
