I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
