i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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