I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
