So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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