Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I party with great urgency now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
