found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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