if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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