dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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