eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
