Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
