okay pat passed out under dana's car
wanna go halves on a baby?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
