i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
