I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
