I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
