Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
